Dark Corners

Title: Dark Corners
Author: lily_268
Paring/Character: Logan/Veronica
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,800-ish
Spoilers: Up to 2.07 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
Synopsis: Duncan cheated on Veronica with Kendall, who does she turn to when she finds out about it?
Disclaimers: All of the characters who live in Neptune belong to UPN and Rob Thomas.

In dark corners lives Grief. It thrives on the bleak, forgotten areas of a home. It sits, there, comfortable and waits to attack. When Grief comes calling, you must answer eventually. Grief is one date you can not delay for long. It is seductive and alluring, none can resist following the siren call into the darkness. Once trapped in the shadows the claws latch out and dig into your soul. Only the tough can escape the wallowing that ensues. Grief is a dominating mistress; it drains your energy and your hope.

 Veronica Mars may be a marshmallow, but she’s tough when cornered. She fought hard and escaped. Her struggle was rewarded with energy for anger and retribution. But she was also cursed - wallowing is not pleasant, but it leads to contemplation. Those who survive Grief’s ordeal return with resolve and a clear head. Veronica Mars did not lock herself away in her room. She shed tears, but they were squeezed out in anger and shock. Her face solidified into a bitter mask. She had no time to process her loss before she thought of revenge.

 She stormed out of her bedroom three days after she had last visited Duncan. Even thinking about it had made her sick. She forced water down, ignoring the sting. Everything seemed to sting now, even sunlight and music. The smell of baking cookies, the laugh of a baby, the bark of Backup and the sound of her father’s concerned voice were all barbed arrows aimed at her heart. Normal things hurt too much.

 I’m not normal, why should I surround myself with things that are? It just reminds me of what I can never be.

Grabbing her bag she made her way through the crowded halls to an unfamiliar locker. She placed a note through the slits. One she had never dreamed of writing. All she had to do now was wait.

 Maybe it’s all a dream, maybe he won’t show up. Maybe Duncan will---

 She shook her head loose, as if trying to get rid of a stubborn thought that wanted to be completed. But Veronica Mars is nothing if not stubborn herself. And she usually gets what she wants.

 What worried her is what she wanted right now…

 *       *       *        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

 “Why the long face?” he said with a smirk.

 She looked up at him with cold eyes; the fire that normally blazed behind them had been extinguished.

 He regretted his leer almost immediately, but allowed himself a second to savour her pain. He had been surprised at the note and his curiosity had caused him to let her in when she had knocked. He knew why she looked like a crumpled doll of course. He had even warned her. With a fresh pang of scorn he had remembered how she had accused him of jealousy, how she had refused to believe him. The warmth left his body when he returned his gaze to her though. Her whole body slumped like a plant yearning for sunlight to direct it. She seemed to surge with cold fury but also pulsed with fear and rejection.

 She turned her head up to look at him. She was scared by what she saw. But not nearly as scared as when she looked at her own reflection. Neither of them looked the same inside and that’s where her gaze lingered. Inside Logan she saw emotions that frightened her and made her feel guilty. She didn’t say another word for some time. She just walked around touching things in his room. He didn’t ask for an explanation. They both understood.

 The unspoken conversation that hung in the air above them was suffocating. Accusations were hurled at each other in silence. Taunts were responded to with quips and insults were stuffed down each others throats.

 Logan wasn’t surprised at her silence, apparently she hadn’t said a word to anyone since--- well, since it had happened. He let her wander in silence. He endured the awkwardness of the situation until he was caught off guard by her eyes. She shot him a quick glance across the room.

 Veronica’s eyes pleaded.

 A part of him filled with resentment. How dare she come to see me, after what had happened. He tried to justify to himself the anger he tried to feel around her. But as with every other time she got close the harder he tried the more he failed to believe that she deserved this pain.

 He was so surprised by her eyes it woke him up enough to say something. “Want a drink?” he tried to slip in casually, but the words tripped across his tongue. “We need to lighten the atmosphere” She shook her head to signal no, but kept her face turned towards him, watching as he poured.

 “Mind if I indulge? Being in a room with you is a little hard to manage”

 Again, he was greeted by her icy eyes and tight lips.

 Collapsing on the couch he sighed, “You need to loosen up a tad, Veronica, where did my old buddy go? I’m starting to think you’ll miss my annual poker game, its coming near the holiday season, and without your sparkling personality, I’m afraid it will be less than—“

 “She’s gone”

 “What?” He practically choked into his glass.

 “Veronica, I mean, the old me, she’s left….I don’t think she’ll come back…..She was too normal.” Her voice ached with longing and a part of Logan ached with her.

 “I can’t believe that. She was, well, you are tough.” He said sternly, hoping that if he drilled it into her she would remember her own strength. “Maybe she’s just on vacation” he joked.

 “I think she died, Logan” She turned her face away when she said his name, missing his reaction to her quiet words. He studied her appearance more closely. Her hair didn’t shine, and her feet scuffed the floor when she moved. Her body seemed too tired to carry her heavy heart around. For the first time he was genuinely scared for her.

 He needed to get a reaction out of her. Anything, just something to pull her above this despair. She had left her room for a reason, hadn’t she? She had left him a note with a plan in her mind, right? Obviously there was something she needed to do to cope. He knew he had to help her with that. But first he had to get her attention and shake her mind awake again. Then he could take it from there. If there was one thing Logan was good at when it came to Veronica, he knew how to get a reaction from her.

 “Hope you’re not here for tenderness, sugarbunny.” He could see her stiffen at his words, and he was thrilled to see he could still get under her skin, even when she had protected herself so well. “I’m not really the gentle type. I think you should reconsider the drink, or perhaps you need some humour in your life, something to make you look on the bright side?”

 “Bright side?” She yelled. “What could possibly be humorous about this? What could possibly be positive?” She started to shake gently. “I shouldn’t have come…”

 Before she could walk out the door Logan had his arm on her elbow, guiding her to the couch. She was so exhausted she followed his touch almost willingly until she realised what had happened and withdrew her arm in disgust.

 “Hey,” Logan said quietly, “I know all about how fragile people can be. You just caught me off guard. You’re not supposed to be like this.” He whispered the last sentence into his drink.

 “Like what?” she asked.

 “Like…..” Logan’s voice trailed off but in his mind his words carried on.

 Like those china dolls with the creepy eyes that roll into the backs of their heads. (I think Lilly smashed half of Celeste’s collection once)  And on the inside of those dolls, you can see the glue and the fake hair and this empty hollow where the doll should be. I never thought I’d see you empty Veronica…I’ve just…I’ve never seen you so broken before. You were always there to fix me. I’m just afraid that I’ll put the pieces back together wrong.

 “Logan?”

 “Nothing, I’ve just never seen you so tired looking.”

 “Life has become tiring.Everyone expects me to be strong. But Duncan---I can’t even think about it. Yet it’s all I think about”

 “C’mon,” he said warmly, “I’m here to help; you fixed me once, or tried anyways. Now it’s my turn.”

 “What makes you think I’m broken? I can take care of myself. And I never once asked for you to fix me!” her eyes glowed for a second. The fire made Logan’s heart leap with hope. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard after all…

 Like a weight, his hopes fell when her eyes frosted over again.

 “Sorry,” she said meekly, “I don’t know where that came from. You must be crazy for helping me. Maybe I’m crazy for being here.” She took a deep breath before saying “and I do need your help”

 “Well, we were both always a little crazy. Perhaps you more so.” Logan chided.

 Logan knew he would have to try and keep the difficult balance between snark and sweet. He couldn’t push her over the edge of the cliff, but he wanted her to see the view, to remember what living felt like.

 Slowly, veronica took steps toward the precipice. All night, with Logan’s guidance she inched nearer. He always pulled her back if she got to close and kept the mood light. After a couple hours their conversation turned serious. Logan was still confused as to why she had shown up at his door. It was when she had gone to the bathroom at the realisation hit him.

 “What’s wrong, you look angry.” She questioned on her way back to her seat.

 “Oh, I just wish I wasn’t such a fool. I shoulda figured it out sooner. I mean, who enacts revenge better than Veronica Mars?” he face clouded over and Veronica walked toward him, concern on her face.

 “Logan, it’s not exactly like that, I—“ she flustered, trying to stop the eminent explosion.

 “Y’know, while I’m flattered you chose me to be your tool. I’m disgusted at how you’re willing to debase yourself for him. For Him! Still! Even now he still controls your reactions. You’re willing to do this to your body on the small chance he’ll care? Did you want him to get jealous and angry? Maybe hit me and realise that since he almost lost you, he’ll take you back? Nothing will happen tonight Veronica. Because it’d be for the wrong reasons. I can’t do that to you or to myself. You’d just regret it anyways. And I’d feel filthy after.” Disdain and disappointment dripped from his lips.

 His words were meant to cut and Veronica felt their full force. What was worse was that his cold, cruel words were true, she had thought of manipulating him to make Duncan feel regret, maybe even jealousy. But she’d forgotten about that plan the second he’d made her smile again. It had just been such a relief to smile, to know she still could.

 Veronica didn’t think she’d be smiling for a long time though. Not after this.

 “Logan---“ She flopped onto the couch, weakened and utterly beaten, “please. You have to understand, I’d changed my mind hours ago. Can’t you remember what it feels like? I just wanted to feel something, anything that wasn’t pain. That wasn’t,” she clutched her chest, “this---please? Let me stay, just a little longer?”

 Staring at her crumpled body, the legs folded beneath her, with her hair falling over her eyes he melted. He didn’t want her to be hollow anymore, he’d do anything in his power to fill the void.

 He walked slowly toward her, his face was a mask and a small part of him relished the fear he could see in her. He couldn’t torment her, and quickly knelt beside her, whispering, while tucking the strands of blonde hair behind her ears, “I could never just stand idly by. All I care about it you, remember?”

Feeling warmer than before and content, Veronica smiled.

 He murmured into her hair and he placed a kiss on the top of her head. “It’s always been you.”

 I can’t go fast, Logan. And I can’t say the same. I actually believed I’d found love. It may not have always been you Logan, before. But I think it might always be you from now on.

 Logan wanted to twirl her around in his arms, to feel her body pressed against his. Instead he sat next to her, with space between their legs and bodies. The only contact they shared that closed the gap were his arms, one, was draped around her, resting his hand on her shoulder, his other hand resting gently on her thigh, giving slight pressure every once in awhile to remind her of his presence when she started spiralling onto a dangerous tangent that he knew she shouldn’t be thinking about. They sat in silence for awhile, until slowly, Veronica tilted her head to lean on his chest.

 The most prudent of friends have spent time more intimately and felt less awkward. Veronica and Logan’s limbs were stiff with uncertainty of their future and their own feelings. But somehow Logan’s fingers slowly circling the flesh on her shoulder was the most erotic thing Veronica had experienced in a long time. This wasn’t the rush of a secretive romance, or a semi-forbidden rebound with her ex’s best friend. This didn’t feel immoral or wrong. Logan was warm and inviting and she felt right where she should be when she sat there, talking to him. Everything with Logan suddenly felt right.

 After many hours of talking, the light bulb of the lamp above them burnt out. Neither moved to change it.

 Sitting there, in that dark corner, veronica succumbed to Grief’s calls. She let herself cry fat tears for her lost relationship with Duncan. He had been the last connection to her innocence. Ignorance wasn’t bliss but it wasn’t jagged, like the shards that were plaguing her heart right now. As she cried the energy drained from her body. Her thoughts of retribution faded and she started to think of a more distant future than just her next breath.

 Logan’s only response was to tighten his grip on her and to move his other arm around her so she was encased by his warm body. He shook with her sobs but remained silent. Her words came out garbled, but he could make out ‘why’ a lot. He didn’t have an answer.

 Duncan was such and idiot. He had her. What was he thinking? It was the biggest mistake of his life. He’ll regret it forever. But all I have to do now is not lose her again. I’ve got a second chance.

 Everything that had happened that night was worth is when she finally looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes and he saw that her tears had thawed the numbing ice that had chilled her soul and the fire behind her eyes had returned. In that dark corner, Logan felt as if she lit of the room.

 They were a little dimmer than what he’d remembered, but he knew where to get sparkplugs for things that were broken.

 ~ Fin.

 A/N: So this was my first fic. Not just of LoVe, but ever. I’d love to hear feedback. Were my characterisations completely off? Was Veronica not quippy enough? Was Logannot snarky enough? Was it too sappy? Did I overuse "warm"? Was the "dark corners" thing not tied up at the end enough? Did anyone get the sparkplug reference?(when he fixed her car and then asked her out when they sat on the hood in 1.20) Anything and everything will help make this better! I’d love some beta’s if anyone wants to volunteer. I’ve got a pre-season two picnic story in the works and I’d love help with fluff. I’m not an angsty fan so I’m just as surprised as anyone else as to why my first try at fanfiction involved Duncan-angst. (I’m really tired of it myself, and tried to involve him as little as possible. I also restricted myself to use ‘snark’ twice I think. *pats self on back*) All I can say concerning inspiration is that I hoped this would happen after I saw Kendall leave Duncan’s room.